We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Be still, my beating vagina.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
