That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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