you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
