I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize