I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
The best revenge is premature balding
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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