final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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