A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
