wakey wakey hands off snakey
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
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I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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