Are we in a gay sports bar?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
