corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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