Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
