I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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