I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
