I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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