I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
