we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
