i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
