Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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