remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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