nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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