giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
