but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
