Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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