escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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