Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
