Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Sorry my hands just texted you
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
