Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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