I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
