woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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