I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize