I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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