My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
