i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
