This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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