How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
