dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
