I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
