you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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