dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
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