Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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