"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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