I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
