thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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