I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
