i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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