operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
