remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
