her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
