Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
