Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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