she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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