i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
