I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
