She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
