we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
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I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
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