yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
