Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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