What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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