Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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