so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Randomize
