Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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