Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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