oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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